Regrets

As best I can, I try to avoid regrets. But such is life. We make mistakes. We make decisions that seem right or just at the time. Upon reflection, we see outside of the situation and wished we could have counseled our former selves. Unbeknownst to us, the mistake makes way for the person we are today.

At different times, two very important people needed me. They needed me to show up. They needed me to listen. They needed me to walk in love.

But I was angry. Well, mostly fearful. Overburdened by the plight of my existence which is the fear of being taken advantage of. I had recently discovered how my non-assertiveness created many problems for me, and I was working on “speaking my truth”.

And I did. At the wrong time.

For fear of being taken advantage of, I did not show up for them. I did not hear them. I was concerned about me. My feelings. My experience. My “truth”.  And the truth is fear is truly the opposite of love. Self-preservation is the antithesis to biblical teachings of love. Standing in my truth while someone is hurting yields nothing for both parties.

I certainly think it is important to be aware of myself, my wants and needs, but perhaps I should trust God and myself with those.

Even if someone hasn’t “earned” your kindness, wouldn’t extend the same kindness and grace you extend to them. or doesn’t appreciate your gifts, it is always better to choose good. It is always better to choose love.

Doing the opposite leads to a very lonely and desolate place, and ultimately regret. Life is too short….and relationships nowadays are too frail. Love now. Love always.

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